i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
not ubering you a puppy
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
