she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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