youre lurking in front of me
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
