I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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