i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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