hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Randomize
