I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
