I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize