May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
