I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
