I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
