shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
