really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
