I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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