You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
