he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
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just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
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YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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