Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
