No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
