You smell like a Billy Joel song
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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