peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Houston, we have a blender
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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