She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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