im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
