who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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