Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
