the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize