Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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