I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
