four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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