We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
