Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
