Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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