I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm experimenting with sincerity
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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