I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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