i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
