I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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