Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
