Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
