they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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