Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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