He uses pillows to masturbate.
there was a trapeze. enough said
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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