I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i may or may not be watching the land before time
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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