What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
