Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize