Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
