I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
