You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
