just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
