My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I want to make a zoo with you.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
