in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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