last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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