He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
