I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Im just a social blackout drinker.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
