Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
