My friends, they love my intelligence
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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