Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
