belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
