I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
