Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
