you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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