Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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