Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
