i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
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Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
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Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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