Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
