At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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