i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Two words: nipple clamps
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