Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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