careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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