If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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