He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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