College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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