I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
