My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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