I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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