I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
